Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I enjoy the company of your penis
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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