Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
