it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
