Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize