I'm jealous of your bromance
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
