The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
