So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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