We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize