Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
