Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
