What did we do last night that was yellow?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
