i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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