Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
