Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
