Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
