It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
