Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize