White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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