Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
