im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
