$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
