My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
