12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize