Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
