A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
