yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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