dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
