you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize