Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
