we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
