I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
