Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
