You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
