i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
