break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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