There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize