You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
