Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got chris browned last night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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