if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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