I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
