wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize