I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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