I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
