Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
