i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
