I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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