i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
