I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i now understand why vodka
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
