it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
