dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We talked him into tasing himself.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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