I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
