your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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