somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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