Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
