I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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