I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
