take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
