i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
