During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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