I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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