I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize