Redeem this text for a blowjob
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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