don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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