we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
