just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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