I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
