I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Can Purell be used as lube?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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