That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No subtext here. People are naked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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