It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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