I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
