Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
