i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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