New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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