dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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