Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
