if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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