Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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