This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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