I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We don't watch enough power rangers
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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