I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
