i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
