And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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