Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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