would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
