I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
