Will you blow on my dice?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
