You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize