I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
