Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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