yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
