I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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