so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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