Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
