Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
