I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
